The PhantomStreet Boys
by ntrophi
Summary: TSW. Gray wants to impress Aki, so creates a boy band with Hein, Neil, Ryan and Sid (of all people) Only the first part, but there is more to come! Reviews welcome (for a cookie, of course)


Author note: This was kind of a challenge in a Yahoo club, dedicated to the one we call Hein. We were talking about what kind of music we could see Hein playing, and I came up with the idea of a boy band with a few of the Deep Eyes members and Dr Sid (I was NOT going to have Elliot in my boy band!) So, here it is. It is, uh... weird to say the least.  
I don't own the BSB, Hein, Sid, Aki, Jane, Gray, Neil or Ryan. Or the Phantoms. I just play with them. Hee hee hee!  
Enjoy! Cookies to those who reviews. A date with an irate Phantom to those who don't.  
  
  
  
'Another day, another successful mission,'  
  
'Hah. Another successful mission, another brush with death successfully avoided,'  
  
'Neil?'  
  
'Yeah?'  
  
'Shut up,'  
  
Gray Edwards rolled his eyes under his helmet as he listened to the overly cheerful banter of the rest of the Deep Eyes. Jane, with her sarcastic remark to everything you could ever possibly say. Neil didn't really help the matter, what with his own sarcastic remarks that he just had to add. *I swear...* Gray thought. *If those two start arguing about which one of them would wear the trousers in a relationship, I think I'm going to dump them in the middle of a Phantom-infested city...* He paused for a moment, and frowned. *Knowing my luck, they'd survive, get together and make my life even more hellish than usual,* He groaned quietly. We couldn't have that happening.  
  
And then, there was Ryan, with his cheerful optimism and hero complex. If they were in the middle of a Phantom family reunion, Ryan would say that they would all get out just fine. If they had fallen down a large cliff, had lost their weapons and were on the brink of starvation, Ryan would come up with some obliviously happy remark.  
  
All three of them drove Gray nuts.  
  
'Another brush with death successfully avoided, another chance to listen to you three idiots,' he muttered under his breath.  
  
'You say something, sir?' Ryan asked brightly, turning to grin at the Captain. Gray shook his head and leaned back in his seat.  
  
'Nope. Just wake me up when we get there,'  
  
It didn't take the ship long to reach the relative safety of New York; the barrier city. Gray pretended not to notice his squad's eager chirps as they helpfully informed him that they had arrived. He was sick and tired of the squad. He was sick and tired of this city. He was sick and tired of fighting Phantoms, day after day. He was sick and tired of having to supress his creativity.  
  
But most of all, he was sick and tired of Aki blowing him off everytime he tried to get lucky with her. *How much resistance can a girl have?* Gray thought increduously. *I mean, look at me! What's wrong with me? What does her research and her Dr Sid have that I don't?* He paused again, thinking about that. Then, he turned a funny shade of green and had to rush off the ship before he damaged the upholstery.  
  
He went through the scanners; ignoring reality for the moment. Even when the alarm went off to show that Neil had a particularly large and nasty infestation in him, Gray just nodded and smiled. He had to find a way out of the army, and a way to express himself creatively. He wasn't a soldier. He was an artiste - a singer, no less. He had to get Aki to like him again. He had to...  
  
'Ow!' His thoughts were cut short as he walked into a wall. He turned to see a couple of lab techs, Ryan, Jane and even the supposedly unconscious Neil sniggering at him. A deep scowl set across his face.  
  
'I hate you people,' he muttered.  
  
It was time to get serious.  
  
  
'Wait a second, Captain... You've come to me because you want to make that no-good, touchy-feely scientist like you?!' Gray nodded innocently as General Hein paced around his office, ranting and raving about Gray's latest request.  
  
'We have a serious problem with the Phantoms right now,' Hein went on, moving to stand by the window, looking out at the rather yellow tinged scenery. 'And you want me to do... what?!' Gray shrugged slightly.  
  
'I want you to manage my singing career, sir. I don't know anyone as brutal and aggressive as you, so I can't think of anyone better,' Hein turned towards him for a split second, with a raised eyebrow, before turning back to the window.  
  
'Do I get a cut of the takings?' Gray nodded eagerly.  
  
'Oh yeah. Y'see, I found out about this great phenomena that took the world by storm in the late 20th century,' Hein rolled his eyes, examining his reflection in the mirror. If he was going to be a manager, would he need stubble to make him look more badass, or was it alright as it was?  
  
'Go on,' he said. Gray grinned and unfolded a large sheet of brightly coloured paper. On it were five young men, all striking really stupid poses and grinning idiotically.  
  
'This, sir, is the Backstreet Boys. They were really huge back in the 1990's,' Hein turned to sneer at the poster.  
  
'They're a bunch of pansies,' he stated. 'You sure you want to present that kind of image in public? I mean, in private, we all know...' Gray cut him off by coughing.  
  
'If I can get four other guys, we can form our own "boy band" as they were called. The chicks really dig them,' Hein's eyes narrowed at the mention of "chicks". People were always telling him to move on; to find someone else. Contrary to popular belief, he had always had his eye on that Aki woman. Maybe if he joined the band rather than just managed it, then he would be able to...  
  
Supressing the evil and utterly sinister grin, Hein turned back to Gray and waved a hand.  
  
'Three other guys,' Gray frowned.  
  
'Three? You're not going to make Major Elliot join are you? I mean, eew!' Hein had to look disgusted for a moment.  
  
'Christ no! I'm going to join,' Gray opened his mouth, as if to argue. It was alright having Hein as the manager, but as a member of the band?  
  
'But, sir...' he started, only to be cut off.  
  
'Problem, Captain?' Hein asked smugly. Gray hung his head. There was no way to get out of this one.  
  
'No, sir...'  
  
Things were just getting worse.  
  
  
Two days later, Hein, Gray and Major Elliot were all sat in an overly large warehouse. After dropping the manager's position, Hein had given it to Elliot. Well, he still had to find a way to manipulate these so-called singers and make a decent profit out of them. And if everything turned out badly, then he could always get them a gig somewhere and blow them up with Zeus.  
  
'Heh heh heh...' Hein chuckled. Gray didn't even turn towards the General, instead choosing to cough nervously. They were auditioning for the last three members of the band, and so far they had found no-one.  
  
'Next!' he yelled. In walked a young soldier; a private most likely. He walked in front of the three and saluted rigidly. This caused Hein to roll his eyes.  
  
'Too wimpy. Next!' The private gaped the the General, who gestured towards the door with a sneer on his face.  
  
'Move, private. I said, next!' Gray and Elliot exchanged glances. Everyone who walked in saluted. That was the problem with having a General as one of the band members. And Hein had blown each and every one of them off. They were never going to find anymore members with him doing that.  
  
'Uh, sir,' Gray said. Hein didn't even turn towards him.  
  
'What?' he said harshly.  
  
'Look over there!' Gray continued, pointing to something over Hein's shoulder. The General sneered again and turned towards Gray, waving an accusing finger.  
  
'Don't think I'll fall for that one, Capt...' He trailed off as Major Elliot whacked him over the head with a handily placed two by four.  
  
Well. That was Hein dealt with.  
  
  
By the time they got to the last few entrants, Hein had woken up, only to find that he'd been tied to his chair and had duct tape over his mouth. Gray and Elliot ignored his enraged grumbles as they called on the next person.  
  
'Nex... No, no, no, no!' Gray exclaimed as Neil and Ryan walked in front of them.  
  
'What's wrong, sir? I thought you'd be pleased to keep this as a Deep Eyes thang,' Ryan drawled, eyeing Hein and Elliot suspiciously. Gray had to raise his voice to make himself heard over Hein's incensed, muffled complaints.  
  
'No, it's not that. But... uh... How will Jane feel if she's left out? This is only a boy band, after all,' Neil and Ryan looked perturbed for a moment, before Neil shrugged.  
  
'We won't tell her,' Both soldiers turned towards Gray and nodded enthusiastically, causing him to slap his forehead with one hand.  
  
'I really hate you two...' he muttered. 'Look, we can't have you. Can either of you sing?' Neil and Ryan shook their heads sadly. Gray grinned smugly.  
  
'Can you dance?' Both shook their heads again. Gray's grin grew even smugger.  
  
'Well, I'm sorry, but you have to have talent to be in the band...' Elliot punched him on the shoulder, pointed at Hein and whispered something in Gray's ear. Gray's eyes widened.  
  
'But what does that matter?' he said hurriedly. 'You don't need to sing or dance to be in the band... Welcome to the team,' Neil and Ryan began to dance (badly) with each other at the news. Hein glowered. Almost enough to melt the duct tape around his mouth. Elliot started to hum to himself, seemingly oblivious to everything around him. And Gray? Gray started to wonder where he was going to get another member from. They had interviewed every single guy on the base.  
  
Everyone, except...  
  
  
'No, no and no. In that order,' Gray's expression became distinctly puppy-dogish as he followed Dr Sid around his lab. Outside the lab, Hein, Elliot, Ryan and Neil were waiting. Ryan, Neil and Elliot were pressed up to the small pane of glass in the door, trying to see what was going on. Hein was leaning against a wall, examining his gloves. How he had got himself into a band with these idiots...  
  
'Afternoon, General,' a voice said as it passed him. 'Not often we see you down here,' Hein's eyes widened slightly, but he pulled his composure back just in time to sneer at Aki as she passed him.  
  
'Just coming to check that you don't drag the whole human race into the mud, Dr,' he said, mock-sincerely. Aki rolled her eyes.  
  
'I wonder when you'll develop a mind that's capable of thinking of more than just blowing things up,' she quipped. Hein grinned ever so slightly.  
  
'Probably when you realise that plants and animals aren't going to save us,'  
  
'Could you two give it a break?' Neil moaned, turning just in time to see both of them snarl at him. He facefaulted. 'Or you could keep on going... Whichever is good for you,'  
  
  
Back in the lab, Gray was having an unsuccessful time trying to convince Dr Sid into joining the band.  
  
'C'mon, Doc. I'm sure you'll have fun. Plus, it'll get you out in the daylight, away from all this machinery and the spirit waves and whatever,' Sid shook his head.  
  
'I don't have time to be off galavanting with you, your squad, and the General who would rather kill us all than admit he was wrong,' Gray sighed. This was not going well. He turned his head towards the door, and paused as he noticed Aki and Hein yelling at each other. A slight smirk crossed his face. Perhaps the General was more useful than he realised.  
  
'You know, you could use the extra time with General Hein to... convince him of the usefulness of the spirit waves,' he said slowly and carefully, leaning on the back of a seat.  
  
'I mean, you'll spend a lot of time with him, and he won't be able to order you about. With practice and gigs and press conferences... Well, he'll just have to listen to you sometime, right?' Sid's eyes slitted, until he realised that Gray was actually right. And if he could convince Hein of the potential of spirit waves, then it would be more than easy to get rid of the Zeus cannon. Maybe they could save Gaia and get rid of Hein's rantings at the same time.  
  
'I'm leaving if I have to wear lycra,' he warned. Gray's eyes widened.  
  
'Wouldn't dream of even mentioning the stuff,' he said; that mental image from before reappearing and threatening to make him throw up all over the machinery.  
  
'Excellent,' he said slowly, trying to hold his dinner in. 'First practice is tomorrow, 1700 in warehouse 24. We're going to see just how talented everyone is,' Sid nodded and turned back to his work.  
  
'Fine,'  
  
Gray walked out of the room, almost oblivious to the punch up that was occuring between Aki and Hein (Aki was winning) Talent. He looked up at his motley crew and groaned.  
  
Like he was going to find any of that with these saps.  
  
  
1700 came, and everyone gathered in the warehouse. Neil and Ryan were bunched together, casting supicious glances over at Hein every so often. Hein was stood on his own, still examining his gloves and trying to hide the black eye that Aki had given him. Sid was a little way away from everyone else, fiddling with a datapad and musing at the results. Elliot was sat on one of the few seats, smoking a cigar for some bizarre reason. When Gray had questioned him about it, Elliot had replied with;  
  
'It makes me feel more manager-like,'  
  
Gray himself was stood by a table in the middle of the room, surveying the rest of the band. This was going to be impossible, but he had to try - for the sake of his sanity and a chance to get lucky with Aki. He clapped his hands together, to try and catch everyone's attention.  
  
'Alright, people. Lets get started,' Almost immediately, Hein was growling.  
  
'Don't you order me about like that, Captain,' Gray coughed nervously.  
  
'Would you like to take control and teach us all how to sing and dance?' he asked innocently. Hein glowered for a moment before shaking his head and stepping back, muttering something under his breath about Zeus and what a nice crater it would make if he fired it at the warehouse.  
  
Gray nodded contentedly and folded his arms across his chest.  
  
'Now then. I know we're not exactly the most musical of people, but we have to at least pretend to be singing. I don't think it'll matter if we butcher the Backstreet Boys songs. After all, who's going to have heard them?' He moved over to the table, where an old-fashioned CD player was sat.  
  
'Listen carefully. This is some of the Backstreet Boys' music. This is the kind of music that we're going to be associated with,' He pushed play, causing the player to burst to life.  
  
'Everybody, yeah. Rock your body, yeah. Everybooo-oody, rock your body right. Backstreet's back, alright!' Immediately, almost everyone covered their ears and groaned loudly at the cheesy, loud and downright untuneful sound.  
  
'You call that MUSIC?!' Hein exclaimed. For once, everyone agreed with his sentiments.  
  
'That's just horrible,' Neil went on. 'How can anyone even listen to that junk?' Gray shrugged, turning off the player.  
  
'Well, it drives teenagers and ladies crazy. It can't be all that bad,' Sid walked up to the player, a thoughtful expression on his face.  
  
'Maybe there's some kind of subliminal message going out through the sound...' he mused. Hein shook his head.  
  
'There has to be something, but there is no way I am associating myself with that kind of crap,' Gray shrugged.  
  
'If you don't want to do it, General, then you can leave the band,' Hein thought about that for a moment. True, if he left this stinky band, then he would still have Elliot in place to do his evil for him, plus he wouldn't have to listen to anymore of that so-called music. On the other hand, he wouldn't have the chicks going wild, and he would have to suffer the humiliation of being bettered by the Deep Eyes.  
  
'Fine,' he grumbled. 'Just as long as I don't have to sing,' Gray nodded.  
  
'That's alright. No-one has to sing. As long as we can dance, and mime at the same time, we'll be just...' He trailed off to see four nervous faces staring back at him.  
  
'We, uh...' Neil started, scratching the back of his head with one hand.  
  
'We don't dance, Captain,' Ryan went on, looking rather apologetic.  
  
'I'm far too busy to learn how to dance,' Hein muttered quietly, blushing down at the floor.  
  
'And I have that hip to deal with... I shouldn't really do anything vigorous,' Sid finished, pointing at the offending hip. Gray felt like screaming, but held it in and took a deep breath.  
  
'Ryan - you are a black guy. Though I don't usually go in for racial stereotypes, you should be able to dance naturally. Something to do with natural rhythm. Neil - get Ryan to teach you. General, I'm sure you can find some spare time to learn how to groove, and as for you, doctor... Well, I'm sure we can figure something out,' The four members nodded almost enthusiastically (Guess which member was less than enthusiastic about the whole thing)  
  
'Alright. If you say so, sir,' Neil said. Gray nodded grimly.  
  
'We'll start with something basic and try to put it to the music. It should take us that long to put a dance routine together,'  
  
Right?  
  
  
Two weeks later, they were back in the same warehouse, putting the finishing touches to a few of their dance moves. Well, actually it wasn't quite as simple as that. In two weeks, they had only managed to learn the dance routine to one song, and they still kept on messing up. Ryan was doing well, as was Hein, surprisingly. Sid was trying hard, even though the last two weeks of vigorous exercise had resulted in a hip replacement and the breakage of both ankles. Neil was the problem though. Neil seemed to have been born with two left feet, and if not, then he was under the impression that he had two left feet. At the moment, everyone else was managing to stay in time, and get the right moves, but Neil continued to trip over, put the wrong foot forwards, shimmy at the wrong moment, and generally make them look like a bunch of idiots. So far, Neil had received about seven death threats from the rest of the band; mostly from Hein, but Sid and even Ryan were getting annoyed with him. And quite frankly, Gray was getting ready to drop him.  
  
'Alright guys, from the top,' Elliot was saying as he pushed the play button on the CD player. Gray had tried to get them all to learn the words to the song, so that they could get used to miming along with it, but he was having more trouble with that than he was with the dancing. Hein was refusing to learn any of the words, and went through the dance steps with a perpetual scowl on his face. Sid kept on getting the words mixed up with complicated bioetherial formulas and names. Only Ryan and Neil were anywhere near word-perfect, apart from Gray himself, of course.  
  
'Everybody, yeah,' Neil, Ryan and Gray mimed. Hein scowled and Sid said something about bioetheric waves.  
  
'Rock your body, yeah,' They were standing still for the moment, but Gray was dreading the moment that they had to burst into the dance routine. He was stood next to Neil, mainly because no-one else wanted to be injured when he fell over.  
  
'Everybooo-oody, rock your body right. Backstreet's back, alright!' The main part of the song started, and most of the band launched into the correct dance steps. These mainly involved what Gray had seen on old footage tapes of the BSB. They did a lot of pelvic grinding, jumping on the spot and prancing around with their hands held in front of them. He had managed to craft these crude moves into a fairly decent dance routine... A dance routine that Neil was ruining.  
  
Again.  
  
'Am I original?' Gray mimed as he ducked out of the way of Neil's flailing arm.  
  
'Yeah,' the rest except Hein mimed back.  
  
'Am I the only one?' Gray mimed, wondering why the hell Neil was heading around the back of him.  
  
'Yeah,' the rest except Hein mimed, also wondering where Neil was going.  
  
'Am I sexual?'  
  
'Yea...' the rest started, only to be cut off when Hein let out an undignified;  
  
'YARGH!!' and was brought to the floor by Neil. The music cut, and Gray was left to drop his head into his hands. After sniggering slightly at the fallen General that is.  
  
'What the HELL do you think you're doing?!' an irate Hein yelled at Neil. The soldier smiled innocently.  
  
'I uh, shimmied in the wrong place again,' Hein smiled sarcastically.  
  
'I'll give you shimmied in the wrong place!' he growled, leaping on the soldier and wrapping his hands around his throat. Gray had to fight the urge to allow the General to squeeze the life out of Neil, and instead shook his head slowly.  
  
'This isn't going to solve anything, General,' Hein grinned.  
  
'I know, but it'll make me feel better,'  
  
'Put him down, General,' Hein looked positively hurt for a moment, before sneering and dropping Neil. Gray started to rub the bridge of his nose with one hand. Fighting Phantoms and being in perpetual mortal danger was less stressful than this. *Aki and you, Aki and you, Aki and you,* he thought to himself as he turned to face Neil.  
  
'Alright. Maybe dancing isn't for you. Perhaps we can make sure that you remain still... Perhaps give you an instrument to murder,' Neil perked up.  
  
'An instrument? You didn't mention an instrument. I can play guitar, y'know,' Gray quirked an eyebrow.  
  
'Seriously?' Neil nodded.  
  
'Oh yeah. Ryan's heard me, haven't you, Ryan?' The larger soldier nodded.  
  
'Yeah. He's pretty good,' Gray blew out a sigh of relief.  
  
'Thank god. Next practice, you bring your guitar down, and we'll see what we can do. We'll make a band out of ourselves yet!' There was a low cheer of enthusiasm, until Elliot frowned.  
  
'I thought members of boy bands didn't play instruments,' Everyone turned to him.  
  
'Shut up, Elliot,'  
  
  
Another three months passed before Gray felt content with their progress. Indeed, Neil had turned out to be a bit of a master on the guitar, which meant that he could remain stationary whilst everyone else danced.  
  
Hein and Ryan had taken on the responsibility of being the chief dancers for the band; which mainly meant that Hein didn't have to sing, mime or otherwise associate himself with the actual words of the song. Both of them were doing really well; even learning a little gymnastics to help the band. Gray had never thought that he would ever see Hein and Ryan backflip across the floor of a warehouse, but that was a sight that was becoming all to familiar to him these days.  
  
Gray had turned himself into the lead singer of the group, mainly because he was the only one who could get the words right all of the time.  
  
And Sid. Sid had been a bit of an enigma for a while. Gray hadn't wanted to make him dance because of his bones, or sing because he continued to associate the words "Everybody, yeah" with "Where's the sixth spirit? We need the sixth spirit so that the bioetheric waves can cancel each other out" Then, it had turned out that he was a master on the bass guitar, and everything had turned out alright.  
  
It had turned out so well that Gray had organised their very first gig. It was only going to be a small affair, at one of the female soldier's variety nights. There was going to be comedy, plays, more comedy, a bit of man-bashing, some more comedy and then their band. They had decided to name themselves "The PhantomStreet Boys" mainly because none of them could be bothered trying to think of an overly original name. Gray wasn't expecting much; perhaps a few jeers and catcalls before they got the rotton fruit thrown at them. But a start was a start.  
  
They were currently working on the new identities of the band members. They had decided that calling themselves their real names was not the best idea, especially if this turned out to be a very bad career move. After doing a little more research on boy bands, Gray had discovered that there were certain types of members. There was always a talented one, a cute or hunky one and a bad one. Then there would be the funny or weird one and the indescript one. And with the tag, came a certain way of acting, talking and generally being.  
  
'So, wait, wait, wait...' Sid was saying as Gray explained all this to them. 'You're going to hide our real identities and give us false ones; ones that don't really fit us in real life?' Gray started to shake his head, but Hein got there first.  
  
'Isn't it obvious? They're not that far from us. I would have thought that a scientist such as yourself would have been able to figure that out,' Sid gave the General a withering glare.  
  
'Obviously this boy band mentality is more on your intellectual level than mine,' Hein smirked.  
  
'Glad you see it that way. I always knew I was more intelligent,'  
  
'Now, now,' Gray interuppted, seeing that psychotic glare appearing in Sid's eye again. It was weird how the scientists had proved their fighting worth against Hein so many times. Aki continued to beat him up everytime they even met; the most innocent of conversations always turned into an arguement about spirit waves and Zeus. Even the usually pacifist Sid was turning violent against the General. Only last week, Gray had stopped the scientist from melting Hein with some new death ray he had invented. *I hope Aki isn't as psychotic...* he thought worriedly.  
  
'I have decided that the tags do go with us. Ryan is the hunky one, Neil is the weird one. The General is the bad one, I am the talented one and Dr Sid is the indescript one,'  
  
'The old one, more like,' Hein muttered.  
  
'Why do you get to be the talented one?' Sid protested, ignoring Hein's jibes for the moment.  
  
'Yeah,' Neil continued. 'All you do is stand at the front and pretend to sing. We do all the dancing and playing,' Gray shrugged.  
  
'The lead singer is always perceived as the talented one. Deal with it,'  
  
'So we all have to dress different, and act different?' Ryan asked. Gray nodded.  
  
'That's about it. And, we have to change our names,' A gasp of horror went up amongst the group.  
  
'But I like my name!' Hein complained, prompting Sid to frown slightly.  
  
'Do you even have a first name?' he asked.  
  
'Do you?' Hein retorted. Gray interuppted the tense stare-off by coughing.  
  
'Look. It doesn't matter. Ryan will be Jay, Neil will be Mikey, Sid will be Howie, Hein will be Dougie and I will be ZQ. Ryan will have to dress in muscle shirts, combats pants and generally cool clothing. Neil will be in slightly wimpier clothing; cargo pants with interestingly coloured shirts. Sid will be indescript. Hein will be all in black, not much different from how he dresses right now... And I will dress all soulful and innocent,' He turned to see four blank faces staring back at him.  
  
'Captain?' Hein started.  
  
'Yes, sir?'  
  
'You're an idiot. But I like the idea of dressing in black,'  
  
Gray smiled slightly as the rest of the band started to argue over whether their new names and identities fitted them properly. Everything was falling into place. In one week, he would know if this had been a good idea or whether he was spelling the end of his career (Well, if the female soldiers didn't kill him, then Hein certainly would) *One week...* he thought. *And then, Aki will be mine!*  
  
If only he knew what he was getting himself into. 


End file.
